I think I'm going to be sick

You wouldn’t have run today. Sure, you could do the distance. You’ve been on the treadmill all winter long. Sometimes you even do the hill program and speed it up at the end. You’re a faker. You are a hamster on a wheel going nowhere. You are moving your legs and working up a sweat, going through the motions, trying to emulate what real runners do but in the comfort of your own home or in the gym.

What? It’s too cold outside to run? The wind is blowing too hard? There is snow on the ground? Those are your excuses? No those are just the reasons you wouldn’t have run today. Today the temperatures hovered just above freezing and the steady rain that came down was a fraction of a degree from turning to snow. The Han River that the course followed still had chunks of ice in it. The wind blew unmercilessly and the rain blew sideways. The course was packed and the path was completely covered in water in many parts.

I know you wouldn’t have done it. But there were people there. There were people wearing plastic bags to cover themselves from the elements. There were people in the newest, flashiest jackets and tights. There were old runners and there were new runners. One guy who spent the previous month training and had only run one race before was there. He had never really been a runner before and was coerced by his friends to do it. He even bought a new pair of shoes for the occasion. While the wind was blowing and the ice was on the brink of forming he pushed on, cursing the weather and his friends for making him do this.

But despite these seemingly insurmountable challenges and the course that went on for what may have seemed like a bleak, frigid eternity he finished. His hands were numb and he was on the edge of hypothermia. He even finished ahead of many other seasoned “real” runners. So with this race he crossed some sort of line and became a real runner. He doesn’t read the mags or worry about heart rate. He doesn’t know who Hal Higdon is and had never heard of a tempo run. Instead he goes outside and does the unglamorous task of running. And when the weather is at its worst and mortals are in bed or going through the motions on a machine, he is out there putting in the miles. And that is why he is better than you.

Thus begins a new year

My girlfriend moved out of her apartment around the corner today. She is moving to Seoul to go to graduate school and will now be more than a 10 minute walk for me. I could feel the twinges of depression coming on and like a junkie's futile attempt to refuse the needle I begrudgingly slipped my shoes and started running. I needed to get the endorphins flowing before I got into a funk.

The previous 4 days have been about running in attempt to stave off reality so it could be buffer from feeling real emotions. The hope and eager anticipation I feel when thinking of the new school year keeps shifting back to the dread of having to go back and become a cog in an incredibly inefficient bureaucratic nightmare of a school system. My girlfriend leaving and living two hours away is something that we both knew was coming but having to face it as an actual event is terrifying.

I set off without thinking about where I was going and all I did to prepare was put on a white shirt so I'd be visible to cars in the dark and put some dark dub step on my ipod to match my mood and sync my feet.

I started at a fast pace and ran through former rice paddies that in the past year have been transformed into massive apartment buildings. The paved running paths were intermittent and mud bridged each gap. I continued alongside the newly built roadways that were constructed bigger than is presently necessary in an attempt to future proof the city's infrastructure and were completely empty save for a few intermittent stray cars. My eyes adjusted to the darkness of the night and as each car approached me I was momentarily blinded, making finding my footing that much harder since I didn't know when my foot would be making contact with the earth and what kind of surface it would be.

I was able to find a deserted unlit stretch so dark and desolate that I could no longer make out where the ground ended and the night began. I felt like I was floating. My running was smooth and my breathing effortless. I didn't have the sensation of anything except existing and thinking. I was wading through an inky sea, unaware of the passage of time or distance. The only think keeping me grounded in reality was the surreal backdrop of the distopian apartments in the distance that looked like they were lifted from the set of Bladerunner.

I made it home with no fanfare. I pushed hard at the end, going up two hills. It was more of a meditative experience that a physical one. It is what I needed.

As of this run, I have logged about 30 miles in the past 4 days. Today was 7:30 splits. It was supposed to be a recovery run but I opened it up a little and let loose. It felt good to hurt at the end.

I am not as strong as I thought and likely a sexist asshole

I ran a race in the heat this weekend. It was hot. I wasn't happy with the heat. I didn't bother to sign up for the race and instead decided to be a race bandit. K and I were bandits. The friendly Koreans didn't seem to mind and they were more than willing to give these two bib-less foreigners cold water after each lap.

We ran a 14km race that was on the same course as the 7km race. Each lap was around a lake that followed a 3.5km trail so 2x was a 7km distance and 14km was 4x around the lake. We all started at the same time. I kept a decent pace and stopped to pee just after the second lap. A woman passed me and I kept pace with her for the majority of the lap. I felt tired. She kept accelerating at the end. I decided that I was done. This was too hot. I was weak. I was finished. There was shame in finishing early, but I couldn't handle running the full 14km. I took a train and canceled plans to see friends to do this race, but still I wanted to quit. I ran through the start/finish line at the end of my 2nd lap as another woman sprinted passed me. It turns out they were both doing the 14km distance.

There was no way I was going to finish the race at 7km if someone (man or woman) passed me so badly while I pathetically meandered to the finish. No, I decided that I would endure another 2 laps around the lap rather than stop and face the humiliation of getting my ass kicked at the finish.

So I kept going. There was no one else around me. I came across several runners that I passed and that was about it. I was tired. I was ready to finish. I drank too much wine the night before. I am too fat. My feet hurt. I had all these stupid excuses.

At the end of lap 3 I got passed. It was the eventual winner cruising in to the finish. I finished the lap and with renewed vigor and strength I kept going. It was my last of the hot, dusty laps. I pushed and made sure that anyone I saw I would pass and no one would pass me. I slowly felt better. The steep drops didn't seem so bad and I floated up the little hills with ease.

I passed a few people who were having a lot of trouble with the heat and then before I knew it I was done. I got my gear and sucked down some water. I got chills and was nervous about heat stroke. I got as hydrated as I could and waited for K to finish.

We had respectable times, I suppose. I wish I could have taken at least 2 minutes off my total. I need to get better at running in hot weather.

I want to thank the women who ran the 7km race. Thank you for making me push hard. Thank you for triggering the deep-seated sexism that I have, the thing that made me keep going and not quit, lest I finish 8 seconds behind a woman. It is true. I was going to quit and the women kept me going.

So here is the question? In this case, was sexism all that bad? I kid, I kid. We all know men are better than women.

Note:

In the U.S. my best training partner ever was a woman (she still is, but I am not in the US). She beat me at every race. The ones we ran together, the ones where there was a bet placed ahead of time, the ones where she basically sprained her ankle just before the race. I whole-hearted admit that she is faster than me. Way faster. And she is a woman.

The word I hate most in running? Marathon.

So some Greek dude (Pheidippides, if you must) runs back from battle in Marathon all the way to Athens. Upon his arrival, he exclaims "Niki!" then keels over and dies. Is this cause for celebration? Is this some magic distance that is the maximum a person can run? What the fuck are you thinking? People run further than a marathon all the time and throughout history homo sapiens ran that far regularly as a matter of survival.

Why is a marathon considered sacred, holy, amazing? People see a marathon (26.2 miles or 42.2 kilometers) as the upper limit for what we as humans can run. It is the maximum. Somehow, we have bought into that idea and excepted is as fact. But it is bullshit.

One side effect of the term "Marathon" entering our lexicon is that people start talking about "half marathons" as if they mean something. It's a fucking 21.1km race. Just call it that. Better yet, just run 10km, 20km, 40km, 60km, etc. races. Don't sweat the moniker. Just run.

On the other end of the spectrum we have the "ultra marathon". So you ran 26.3 miles in a race. Congrats, you, by definition, are now an ultra marathoner. Anything over that arbitrarily assigned number of 26.2 miles is considered "ultra". Who fucking cares? Are you trying to impress your friends with your tales of running prowess? Did you even bother winning the race you are bragging about? Maybe the race you ran sounds so cool to your friends because they still think that they can't run that far, that a marathon is the limit of human endurance.

The one thing a marathon has going for it is that it is organized well. It has police, and barricades and markers and water stations. There are timing chips and other people to run against. These are all really great--if you are into that sort of thing.

Otherwise just run. Enter the race that isn't fully supported. Bring your own water. Most of all, don't look at a race as being "worthwhile" because it is a half-marathon, marathon, etc. Do a 20km or a 25km. They aren't exactly the same distance as a half marathon, but so what? Do balloons and confetti fall from the sky once you cross the 13.1 or 26.2 mile mark? Of course not. It's all arbitrary.

Once we get the silly notion out of our collective heads that a marathon is the most a person can run, the better off we will be. People look at a marathon, and say "I can't." They give up before they even try. So much myth has been built up around the distance that people think it is impossible to go further. After the idea that a marathon is the maximum we can go, then people will go further. It is already happening now: fringe runners compete in ultra marathons, (and I am not talking about 26.3 mile races). They run 100 mile races. They don't see a marathon as a ceiling, but instead as one of many distance races to run. They stopped believing the hype. They started running because they want to. They run as far as they want. We have many talented runners in the world and so much talent is wasted because we think that we need to stop at 26.2. If we could just keep pushing ourselves, think what can happen.

Stop wearing shoes

The internet is full of reasons why you shouldn't wear shoes. It makes perfect sense if you think about it. Stop thinking that you know better, Mr. 8 minute mile. Try something new, take a risk. But my arches need support! I am an over-pronator! I NEED extra padding!

Bullshit.

Stop being so scared. Take a chance. What is the worst that could happen? Will you have some discomfort when you run the first few times? Maybe.

I bet you will run faster. And you will enjoy it more. Maybe this is a step closer to finally justifying that elitist attitude of yours. People will talk to you during races. They will call you tough. They will ask you stupid questions. The joke is on them, though because they are the ones who are running with an unnatural gate and the blisters.

Look at these. There isn't a reason you shouldn't be running in them.

Perseverance

Its hard for your body to make the transition from spring to summer. The cool weather fades away and the hot weather starts to emerge. It's even harder when winter gives way to a spring that lasts for 2 weeks and then summer starts and the humidity goes through the roof and the temperatures are broiling. Your body is still thinking it is cool springtime and your sweat glands are still hibernating. In short, you aren't ready to activate the homeostasis required to cool your body down and you start overheating in the blazing sun as soon as you start walking. That's not bad enough for you? Try being from cool, rainy Britain and not an experienced distance runner.

J. came decided to be a badass and run to meet me. He endured the sun and heat of the suddenly emerging summer and ran 3 miles before meeting me. He was already worked over from the run both mentally from not knowing where he was going exactly and physically from the harsh conditions. I took him through the construction course since I knew we'd be near some shade and potentially some water from the work site. It didn't matter...the area was a hot, dusty mess.

We kept moving further from the central city and into a farming village. The sun remained high in the sky. J. finished the last of his water and we crossed into another construction area. We made it to some freshly laid tarmac just and were baked by the dry heat. J. was dehydrated and was running further than he ever had. He was venturing into the unknown.

I promised him that at the end of the construction there was a road and a university and we would find a shop where he could get more water. He ended up finding not one, but two shops and neither of them accepted debit cards. We moved on and almost 1.5 miles later came across a gas station. The attendant took pity on us and gave us two water bottles from the refrigerator free of charge.

J. and I split off to go our respective ways home and I tried to get as worn out as my training partner in the remaining 2 miles home. J. could have quit. He could have asked to cut the run short at any point but he kept at it. He didn't stop, even when the oasis turned out to be a mirage not once but two times. He is going to make a fine distance runner. He already is one, he just needs to realize it.

Trails

I've noticed that there are few Koreans here that run. I don't see them on the streets. I only see them on the running paths. While the paths are nice, they are boring. You can get some good distance while running on the paths and see a lot of the city. Korea doesn't have public drinking water. Boo hoo. I have to run with my water supply so my runs are limited to what I can endure without water or what I can endure with what I can carry.

I decided to have a fast run but I still wanted to work hard. In the spirit of adventure I took a new path and went in the opposite direction from my previous runs. It was easy to see why there were no other people running where I was. I immediately wound up running through a construction zone, then I had to hop a barricade. I crossed the river and ended up on a cobbled path. The path turned into trail resembling a dried riverbed. After a short time this turned into single-track that was being used by mountain bikers. I followed this until I got to a fork and I chose to go up a path and into the mountain that I had been following. The trail started up a short incline and steadily got better (worse) in that there were loose rocks all over, roots and the angle was so steep that I eventually was forced to walk. I walked until the angle eased and then I was back to running.

I ran down the other side of the mountain and ended up in a light-industrial area. People looked at me strange. My shoes were weird and I had bloody, cut up legs from the vegetation. When you walk somewhere you aren't supposed be to people put their hands up to stop you. When you are running people get out of your way to let you through. After a few stares and confused stares I was back to the river and back to the trail.

I went as fast as I could to get back home knowing that I only had a few more minutes before the sun would set and the homicidal daytime Korean drivers would only get scarier and more bloodthirsty in the dark.

I went out 2 days later to try and better my time and reverse the course. It was a more sustained incline going up so I was able to run the whole way. The descent was steep, loose and exciting. I managed to go fast enough to be at a full sprint by the end as I shot out of the bushes with enough velocity to scare the shit out of three peaceful farmers tending to rice paddies. Before they could protest my presence I was gone and running back to the river.

Daejeon is eerily familiar to the skyline of Madison, Wisconsin. The biggest difference is the fact that there are so few people out enjoying the natural surroundings. I could go on and on about what pussies the Korean youth are for never being out exercising but that would likely be futile and counterproductive. Instead I would prefer to motivate people to get out and push themselves. So get the fuck out there and do something. You live in an awesome city with amazing resources. Starcraft is a joke. Don't waste your life becoming fat like Americans. You have a chance to be better.

First run as a group

Today's weather was abysmal. The day started out cold and overcast and flirted with raining all morning until the downpour started. The skies finally cleared and gave way to windy, cold temperatures. It was terrible running weather. There would likely be few to no people out. A. was sick and work sent her home. J. had new shoes that he'd never run in. We were in for a treat.

Despite the cold, inhospitable weather we set off severely under-dressed and hoped for the best. We got away from the streets filled with maddening, chaotic traffic and made our way to the river and the paved path next to it. We ran along the path seeing only a few cyclists and one other runner. We got a good tour of the city as seen from the Gapcheon river. We crossed the famous and apparently picturesque Gapcheon bridge as gale-force winds tried blowing us back. We eventually crossed the bridge and started making our way back. A. kept a good pace despite being sick, J. got blisters but endured the pain, no one wanted to be the first to quit. Both of them endured my multiple pee stops.

We finished and went to our lockers in the jimjilbang. I didn't realize just how cold I actually was until I walked into the sauna room and was enveloped by a blast of humid air. J. and I switched between hot and cold pools, getting the lactic acid out of our muscles. We all met up and ate eggs and rehydrated.

I learned that with the support of others you are more willing to push yourself further than when no one is watching. With the support of others you can accomplish more than you think, whether its tolerating pain or stepping far outside your comfort zone to try something new.

We are going to accomplish a lot. This is a good crew. We have youth, energy and experience all wrapped into one unit. Do you think you can do better? Show me.

Failure: lack of will

Yesterday I set out to run. I had just gotten back from a mild hike in the mountains and dinner with some coworkers. It rained the entire hike, I lent my jacket to a coworker, I was tired, it was dark, it was still raining...all excuses. The reason I didn't run is because I lacked the will to do it. It would have been hard and uncomfortable. I would have been cold at first, I would have gotten muddy, but I should have gone. If you are thinking to yourself "well geez guy, you could have just run on a treadmill..." I will not run on a treadmill anymore. Treadmills crush the soul. They are an approximation of running, a place holder. Treadmills trick you into believing that you are doing something worth noting. I run outside. But not last night. Last night I didn't even manage 5k worth of effort. Instead I stayed indoors and enjoyed a cushy evening of banality.

Today I will run. The rain has only just stopped and the wind is nearly blowing hard enough to destroy the windows. I will run hard to make up for my failure last night. I will go fast and I will have a good attitude. I will motivate my two training companions to do the same tonight. When we are done our reward will not be chocolate ice cream or even beer. No, we will soak in mineral baths then retire to heated salt floored saunas because one of us is sick and she is hard core enough to run tonight even though if most people were as sick as her they wouldn't bother going to work let alone continue training. She has a strong will.

Why are you reading this?

Don't you have something better to do? Shouldn't you be on a treadmill or an elliptical? Shouldn't you be counting calories or bitching to anyone who will listen to you complain about your failed weight loss attempts? I think Oprah is on and she will likely comfort you and let you know that you are OK just as you are...which is bullshit.

You have achieved less than you are capable of. You are slower, fatter and weaker than you could be. Why are you going through the motions? Do you really think that running for 30 minutes on the treadmill while paging through a Cosmo is helping you? Why don't you get out there. Run on the street. Take a new route today. Push yourself past that invisible barrier of 5, 10 or 15 miles. You are capable in far more than you think. All you need to do is break free of that nagging doubt that is holding you back. You can do it, I believe in you. The only questions is: do you believe in yourself?

Are you nervous before you run? Even a little? You should be. Every time. If you aren't, then you aren't doing enough. If you don't step outside your comfort zone then you cannot move forward. You will stagnate, languishing with all the other naysayers, pessimists and misanthropes. If that's where you want to reside, then fine. They will make room for you. Misery loves company. But if you want out and want to change then do it. No one is preventing you from becoming who you want to be except for you. Get on it. You aren't getting any younger.