Thus begins a new year

My girlfriend moved out of her apartment around the corner today. She is moving to Seoul to go to graduate school and will now be more than a 10 minute walk for me. I could feel the twinges of depression coming on and like a junkie's futile attempt to refuse the needle I begrudgingly slipped my shoes and started running. I needed to get the endorphins flowing before I got into a funk.

The previous 4 days have been about running in attempt to stave off reality so it could be buffer from feeling real emotions. The hope and eager anticipation I feel when thinking of the new school year keeps shifting back to the dread of having to go back and become a cog in an incredibly inefficient bureaucratic nightmare of a school system. My girlfriend leaving and living two hours away is something that we both knew was coming but having to face it as an actual event is terrifying.

I set off without thinking about where I was going and all I did to prepare was put on a white shirt so I'd be visible to cars in the dark and put some dark dub step on my ipod to match my mood and sync my feet.

I started at a fast pace and ran through former rice paddies that in the past year have been transformed into massive apartment buildings. The paved running paths were intermittent and mud bridged each gap. I continued alongside the newly built roadways that were constructed bigger than is presently necessary in an attempt to future proof the city's infrastructure and were completely empty save for a few intermittent stray cars. My eyes adjusted to the darkness of the night and as each car approached me I was momentarily blinded, making finding my footing that much harder since I didn't know when my foot would be making contact with the earth and what kind of surface it would be.

I was able to find a deserted unlit stretch so dark and desolate that I could no longer make out where the ground ended and the night began. I felt like I was floating. My running was smooth and my breathing effortless. I didn't have the sensation of anything except existing and thinking. I was wading through an inky sea, unaware of the passage of time or distance. The only think keeping me grounded in reality was the surreal backdrop of the distopian apartments in the distance that looked like they were lifted from the set of Bladerunner.

I made it home with no fanfare. I pushed hard at the end, going up two hills. It was more of a meditative experience that a physical one. It is what I needed.

As of this run, I have logged about 30 miles in the past 4 days. Today was 7:30 splits. It was supposed to be a recovery run but I opened it up a little and let loose. It felt good to hurt at the end.